Guess Who's Cleavage?

In conjunction to the Benni competition, there is also a competition to find out who's cleavage is in the picture? I'll give you a clue...its not Benni. The winner of this competition will get a free picture of cleavage as well as a hand shake from Mach 3 (terms and conditions apply).

Those of you more educated people might be wondering where are my satirical and political essays on this blog. They will come in time. I just dont have time now. So i'd thought i'd keep my fans entertained by these competitions. But watch out for future articles such as 'S v Zuma' and my political predictions for the year. Also look out for many of your favourite characters including Hitler and Friends in the upcoming episodes.

Essence Of Bubu



Thanks for the picture herms. I'm starting a competition to see how many people have can post this picture on their own blog. Contact me when you do!

The Importance of Tachlis

I have come to the conclusion that if I had a favourite word it would be tachlis. It sounds good and has a guttural sound that makes it affirmative and proactive. And that is the very nature of the word. For those of you who don’t know what it means, it means bottom line but its connotations are so much more. It is a philosophy that can be applied to any situation in life.

In business it means when you are having a meeting, you have to cut to the chase and you can’t leave the meeting without tachlis, something tangible.

In social life, how much time do we waste just talking about crap and always say ‘lets meet up’ but never do. In this case, we should get tachlis and make a plan of action by doing something.

Even with chicks, we spend 90% of our lives strategizing on how to be a ‘playa in the game’. If a girl is messing you around and there is no tachlis, then drop it.

Tachlis is the way of the future. So what’s the tachlis of writing about tachlis on my blog (which has nothing to do with tachlis)? The answer is in the question.

10 Reasons to Love Mach 3

1. He is low maintenance
2. He knows most of the world’s capitals
3. He does not care about low fat or diet food
4. He had a mullet (pronounced moolay)
5. He can converse with the elderly
6. He is not anti-Bush
7. He is mildly attractive, especially to the elderly
8. He thinks everyone with blue eyes is a Nazi
9. He has read less than 10 books in his life
10. He actively supports and endorses the H Team

THE H TEAM

Mach 3 is part of the H-team. Castor Troye is Mach 3's psuedo name when he is drunk. So what does this all mean? The H- Team is a multi-national corporation which is a subsidiary of the Council of the Pimp Legion who's founder, the one they call Yoav, is the father figure of the empire.

The H Team is a group of concerned citizens interested in spreading heishness across the world and decreasing heishness for its members. The organisation's leader, Jon Hoffman, who prefers to be known as Jon Hoffman , sits as its chair. Not anyone can be part of the H team and there are rules and procedures.

1. You must be heished or h levels must be at a substantial level
2. You must be aware of and appreciate the twins
3. You must be single, or desperate. H members who have found relationships are honourary members
4. You must know the secret H team chant
5. You must follow the ancient principles of Bachisms
6. In light of the above, it is bros before ho's
7. Once you are part of the H team, you cannot leave (subject to section 3)
8. Chicks must be the cause and solution to your problems

The H team are not so superficial as to only care about action. The H team encourages hetrosexual male bonding, otherwise known as spooning. The H team also involves itself in charity work by helping its members study, pick up girls, go on free holidays and access clubs. The H Team have also extended this charity to the broader community by occassionaly assisting girls who prey on heishness.

GO TO HELL IRAN


The Iranian President’s recent comment of wiping Israel off the map was outright disgusting and unacceptable. Following this verbal abuse on Israel, The UN condemned President Ahmadinejad and the Iranian government. However, as the weeks have progressed, the comment unfortunately has been sidelined from the international media. Even though the outcry from the international community has subsided, the underlying issue of ant-semitism still remains.

It would be naïve to believe that there is no link between Ahmadinejad’s comment, terrorism and nuclear proliferation. In fact, his remark reaffirms Iran’s intent to promote violence and terror against Israel. Such an idea is not new and in many ways it echoes the Nazi propaganda of the 1930’s. It is a sad reality that anti-semitism, through the form of anti-Zionism or whichever term is fashionable, is still alive in the 21st century despite the lessons learnt in the past century.

The gravity of this statement, naturally, has been downplayed by sympathisers towards Iran and somewhat trivialised in global politics. But as Jews, we know that the intent behind this comment is still there and that such a remark cannot be ignored. In light of the comment, this resurgence in anti-semitism and the constant threat of global terrorism, I wonder what type of society will govern the future generation. The previous generation of Jews was defined by the miracle of the Six Day War, and the generation before that was defined by the building of the State of Israel out of the ashes of the Holocaust. In the future what will define our generation? Will it be a society governed by terrorism and anti-Semitism where suicide bombings and the threat of nuclear war are the norm? Or will we be a generation that will be defined as the ones who stood up to terrorism and injustice against our people? I sincerely hope that we will be the latter.

CAMPUS STEREOTYPES


After 3 years of sitting on the steps of the Great Hall at Wits University almost every day, I have seen just about everyone there is to see on campus. Although, the clichés are that everyone is an ‘individual’ and no-one is ‘stereotyped’ at varsity, I can’t help myself from categorising different people at varsity. And the more I think about it, the more I realise that you can tell a lot about a person by what degree he/she is doing. With some exceptions, every faculty has their own stereotype. So I encourage you to read this article to see if you can identify with my stereotypes……….

Bcom- These guys are by far the most arrogant group on campus. They think varsity is a mere hiccup on their way to the top of the corporate ladder. How do you spot them? Well firstly, it’s in their laugh…you can hear the arrogance in it a mile away. They always wear Puma takkies and a Puma top, clean cut jeans and all have yellow LIVESTRONG bands.
BAcc- These are simply the nerdish counterparts of the Bcom students. How do you spot them? The guys that were the brainy maths guys in school who everyone used to copy are 9 times out of 10 the same people doing a BAcc
Engineering- These guys are one of the weirdest group on campus. They are a breed of their own, very cliquey, and do stupid things at varsity that they think are cool but everyone just looks at them as if they were fools. How do you spot them? Just look for students wearing slops and shorts in winter, and for no reason whatsoever, wear suits on a Friday.
Architecture- These are the pseudo-hippies on campus who want to be chilled BA students but no matter how hard they try, they will always be architecture students. How do you spot them? They are the ones at bars on campus on a Friday afternoon trying to mingle with the BA students. Hint- they usually have curly hair.
BA- There are two very different types of BA students. There are the BA students who truly believe that they will be the next President of South Africa. These people do subjects like international relations and politics. These are the ones on campus who are just looking for a fight or something to bitch about. How do you spot them? Look out for someone using big words that no-one understands, not even the guy using them. Hint- these words usually end in –ism. The second group of BA students are the real hippies on campus. They are ‘like totally whoa’…. doing subjects like philosophy and sociology. How do you spot them? They have torn jeans and wear cheap hemp clothing.
Law- These students are the typical preppy, ‘I should be in Harvard’ type students. Short, aggressive girls with complexes of not being heard usually study this degree. How do you spot them? Look out for short aggressive girls.
Med- These students, in theory, are the ones who are at the top in almost every aspect. They obviously have a lot of money to study this degree and the brains necessary for passing. How do you spot them? In order to spot them, you have to not spot them (if that makes sense) as they are always locked in lectures or their bedrooms studying their butts off, trying to catch up the work that is catch-up work already.
BSc- It is very difficult to separate a BSc student from a BAcc student. But generally, BSc students are fanatical about 3 things: Star Wars, computers and chess. How do you spot them? Type in a BSc student’s name on the internet, he should have his own website.
Speech and Hearing- Lets face it; this is a degree only for girls. These are the type of girls who you take home to meet the family. How do you spot them? Look out for conservatively dressed girls on campus, but don’t confuse them with the librarians.
Education- This is another degree strictly for girls. Girls doing this were too dumb to get into speech and hearing and not pretty enough to get into FHM. How do you spot them? Girls walking around campus who think they’re hot…but they actually not.
Drama- This group includes fine art and musician students. They are wannabee Cape Townian non-conformists and are usually doing this degree just to prove that they are not conforming…but in reality aren’t they conforming to non-conformity? How do you spot them? They don’t wear jeans, but wear palazzos and other biodegradable items of clothing. To top it off, they wear cheap accessories wherever they can attach them.

So you most probably thinking, well Mr. Stereotype, what degree do you study? Well, which other person critically analyses social situations and bitches about other people while not doing anything about it…. a BA student of course.

Article written by Spud